The Balancing Act: Hello, I'm awkward. What's Your Name?

Written by me, illustrated by Charlemagne

Welcome to the blog post on how to be awkward! Presented by your host, an expert in extreme social awkwardness, and someone who often finds herself in incredibly uncomfortable situations, Allison Lambert! Now I know what you're thinking, no one could even come close to being as awkward as you are Allison! You're right, I'm a natural, but that doesn't mean that there isn't any hope! With decades, years if you are lucky, you might come close to my skills.

Let's begin with the advantages of being awkward. It took some time, but I was able to come up with four reasons. One, blame any problem on being awkward. Oh, I dropped my plate of spaghetti all over your wedding dress? Sorry, I'm awkward. Oops, did I just laugh really loud during a silent religious ceremony? It's because I'm awkward. Oh boy, did my inability to make a decision lead to multiple problems for you? One word, awkward. Everyone just laughs, and says "Yeah you are!" The whole situation ends with a second of happiness and laughter. Second, people take pity on you. No, I can't read that paragraph, make that speech, or lead that group project, I'm awkward. I guess that ties into the first reason too. Third, being awkward is just one step closer to being an introvert, and introverts have a lot of free time, and get a lot of stuff done. Lastly, why not? In the wise words of the Dictionopolis guard,"That's a good reason for almost anything - a bit used, but still quite serviceable."

Now that that's settled, I have no idea how to explain being awkward to you, so instead I will give you a few situations where my social handicap comes into play. If you are truly awkward, then receiving directions to get something should give you anxiety. When I am receiving directions from a teacher, I get so scared that I will forget them that my fear tunes out the instructions. Then in a burst of awkward energy intent on making my situation worse, I assure the teacher that I know where I am going. At that point, I begin my journey and end up wandering the halls until someone helps me find my way.

Another way I prove my awkward status is in normal conversation, specifically with someone I just met. As an awkward person, my brain periodically zones out of the conversation. At first glance, these "zone out" times may seem to occur randomly, but a closer look will show that they happen normally during the most important parts of a conversation.